The value of Gentleness and Kindness in Breathwork
Brigitte Martin Powell
Former IBF President, former UN group leader and CBTR Programme co-creator
Following my introductory workshop on the same topic at the GIC 2024
“I am a tough cookie”
I grew up in Switzerland when women were not allowed to vote and when, at school, boys were doing math and gymnastics while girls learned to sew and knit… for 1 morning a week over 10 years. Moreover, around me women were often mocked, and considered stupid, weak and vain. I therefore decided I was going to be a boy. As “boys don’t cry”, I didn’t cry either. Since “boys are tough”, I put myself up for the tough jobs. When I turned 15, women finally became full citizen, but by then, I too was despising them.
For the rather rural community I was born into, going to university was as likely as walking on the moon, even for boys. Yet I had to prove to myself and others, that I was intelligent, and as intelligent as a man. It took a few detours and additional years, but I finally got there. I chose to study Economics, not because I liked it or was good at it, but because in my eyes it was a men’s career. I was so happy when I got top marks in Computer Science, I had my proof!
By then, however, and not surprisingly, I had developed a life-threatening eating disorder. I had become bulimic and lost 1/3 of my weight. I didn’t menstruate for more than a year and when I went to our family doctor, he told me not to worry, with me being at university, my blood was probably all in my brain! That was the 70’s and no one talked about eating disorders at the time. It took me another 5 years to admit that I needed help and to start therapy, and 3 more years of psychotherapy, body work, meditation and breathwork to stop being bulimic.
I loved being on a personal growth path; I was eager to learn and tried all the technique that I came across. I wanted to grow more and faster. I put myself in for rather harsh courses where I was told that I had to “fight” my ego, or that my stories where laughable (that’s when I had to share in a group the most upsetting episode of my life while the others joyfully sang a silly children’s tune).
I also attended all kinds of breathwork workshops, in which I had to breathe very strongly, shout out loud, bang my arms and legs furiously; where I hurt at the end of the session, but was pleased because, for me at that time, the dramatic intensity of the process must equal to a jump in personal growth.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t wish to ridicule all these experiences. By then we were in the 80’s. On the back of the Flower Power and Hippy movement, more and more people were starting their quest to improve their mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. I believed that such an intensity and drama were necessary for a shift in consciousness. I am indeed very grateful to all my teachers at that time for their vision, their courage and their boldness.
When I came across Rebirthing Breathwork in 1990 however, I was living in Lesotho at the time, it felt like I was coming back home at last, home to myself. Rebirthing Breathwork, which is about conscious connected breathing but also the quality of our thoughts, encompassed all the sides of my being that I had dealt with separately in my various therapies before: the physical, the mental, the emotional and the spiritual. I was delighted.
With Rebirthing Breathwork, there were moments where I would touch into the vulnerable young version of myself. My inner little Brigitte was really scared and upset but had nobody to turn to. At first, I was not ready to be with her. It took me a very long time until I was willing to actually listen to her and welcome her feelings. I had to learn to use a very gentle version of Rebirthing Breathwork, to be kind to myself, to stop beating myself up for not being enough this or too much that. I had to learn acceptance, surrender, letting go. Slowly, slowly my inner child started to feel safe enough to trust me. She gradually grew freer, more confident and, in this process, she unlocked bundles of fun, treasures of creativity, intuition and love. I was then able to love myself unconditionally, with tenderness, including for my darker side. I began to trust the world and experience immense love for everyone and all creation.
I believe that it is our relationship with our inner child that holds our connection with the divine, with the magic of life, with our true, unique, precious self. If we want to be able to express ourself fully in this world, emotionally and spiritually, but also professionally and politically, it is, in my eyes, very important to reclaim the various little children that we have left behind at different ages along our growing up years. I have experienced on a cellular level as well as witnessed it in my clients and students how gentle Rebirthing Breathwork is particularly suited to this kind of deep work, and is the key to success, happiness and freedom.
In this approach of Rebirthing Breathwork that I call Gentle Rebirthing Breathwork we use our Natural Breath, while applying the 5 elements of Rebirthing Breathwork all through the session:
- Relaxation: relaxing the body, relaxing the breath, the mind, knowing that I am safe
- Conscious connected breath: connecting the inhale with the exhale (no pauses between the two); welcoming every breath consciously; feeling the prana (the divine energy within this breath) with the inhale; relaxing the exhale. Gently expanding every breath
- Awareness in details: keeping the attention in the body, feeling energy moves, tensions, tingling. Letting go of thoughts and expectations
- Not making anything wrong: accepting, welcoming what is. If there is pain, relaxing into the pain without judging it (relaxing the body, connecting the breath, keeping the awareness there). If nothing is happening, staying present to nothingness, accepting it, enjoying it
- Willingness to be present. Willingness to breathe in that way and to apply the 4 above elements is enough for Rebirthing Breathwork to support you fully in your process
Over the years, with Rebirthing Breathwork, I have discovered that I am actually very sensitive, delicate, and feminine! I have learned to appreciate these exquisite qualities that allow me to tune in with other people and with the magic of the Universe. I still have a strong male side of course and am keen to try out rather yang breathwork modalities, such as the Wim Hof method with its strong breathing technique and cold-water immersion. Nonetheless it is gentle connected breathing and kindness to myself that have at long last “cracked the tough cookie”, allowing me to uncover my unique precious self and teaching me how to express it in the world.
If breathwork, gentleness and kindness are calling you, make sure you chose a breathwork practice that works for you. Be gentle to yourself. Remember that these two “soft” ingredients, gentleness and kindness, can powerfully transform your life and make you unstoppable in realising your dreams.
For further readings about Rebirthing Breathwork and working with your inner child, have a look at Michael Brown’s “The Presence Process”, 2nd edition 2010.
If you are considering training as a Breathworker in this gentle way of breathing, check out https://airschoolofbreathwork.com (AIR). This is the breathwork training Doug and I created 16 years ago. It has now been handed over to two fabulous women, Kerry Veitch and Jacqui Storm. Training modules are offered in the UK, in France and online. I’m still teaching on the AIR February module on Dartmoor National Park, UK. On this website you can also find a list of qualified practitioners if you would like to give gentle Rebirthing Breathwork a go. Kerry and Jacqui and their team also offer two-monthly online breathing circles available for free to everyone.